Hey! Stop Using OUR Tactics!
Another night, another trip to the Bindstone.[/P]
I've been trying to level my theurg, Bottom. Because we all know that come the expansion (my purchase of it, that is - I know it's already out, but damn if Ben & Jerry's didn't just release a new flavor and we all know I had to fill my freezer with a couple dozen pints - so excess cash is tough to find), I will be playing a Necromancer. Army of Darkness, here I come! My Deadites will finally take back that stupid Center Keep!
But for now, I'm on the Battlegrounds with Bottom. Normally, it's an awful lot of fun, regardless of who holds the Center Keep. If we hold it, then I usually spend the time in a small group hunting for smaller groups of Mids who we can bully around and make cry.
Nowadays, though, there's no way to outnumber the Mids. That used to be our only strength. But apparently they've been importing a lot of porn into the Mid wastelands (Troll Pr0n! Ewwww!), and those randy buggers have been making entire hoards of offspring quicker than a viagra-laden rabbit. There were about a dozen of us and about 20...BILLION...Mids. They were all sitting around the foot of our Portal Keep.
Now, silly me, I've always considered camping the PK as a pretty pathetic, gimpy behavior. Except when we do it, of course. I mean, if WE do it, it's all in good fun - let's face it, if the Principal had been singing on the float instead of Ferris Beuller, people would've been outraged and drug his sorry butt off the float and given him the thrashing of his life. But since it was the HERO doing this nutty behavior, it's all good. See how that works? Just like us! I know that you guys probably didn't see the memo, but WE are the good guys. You can tell we're the good guys because we have Paladins. We all know that Paladins are always on the good guys' side. Even if we want them to be on the other side...
See, it's like we're Luke Skywalker, the Mids are Darth Vader, and the Hibs are.... urhm... Spock. Hey, sorry Hibs, but you DO have pointy ears.
Anyway, so we're stuck at the Portal Keep, staring down at the Mids laying siege to our front door. They've set up a damn picnic beneath us. Every once in a while, one of them would look up and wave cheerfully. I thought they were offering me some of their fruit salad, so I tried to join in their festivities. But it turns out that there's a pretty big language barrier between us. The Albion gesture for "Hi, come on over and introduce yourself" apparently is Midgardian for "Please come close enough that I can shoot a poison cloud down your throat." It took me about six attempts to get the hang of that. Never been a great linguist, myself.
The Portal Keep guards are great help. Any time one of the Mids got too close, the Guards would run down to them, where the Mids would promptly mez them. Terrific, guys. Put yourselves all down for a raise. At one point, an assassin popped up behind me down the hill and spent about five minutes just kicking the crap out of me. Did the guards respond? Oh my heavens no. They were too busy, I dunno, buffing each other's armor or something. Instead, they waited UNTIL I DIED, and then ran down the hill, STOOD ON THE BACK OF MY CORPSE, and made threatening gestures at the Mids after the Mids mezzed them.
Sigh.
The most frustrating bit is that I'd be standing by the guards, and some wacky little Runemaster Ooompa-Loompa that's five miles away will nail me with that blasted Nearsight. Granted, I use this as an excuse to grope women around me ('OMG I CANT C! SO SORRY THOUGHT U R MY WIFE!'), but it's still terribly annoying.
Honestly. WE are supposed to be the ones that swarm the enemies! That's always been our strongpoint! I vote for mandatory birth control in Midgard. I've undertaken some covert actions towards that end: I've been hiring Infiltrators to sneak through DF to Midgard and post posters of Roseanne Barr in a swimsuit all over the place. I haven't seen much response...except there DO seem to be a lot more trolls lately... hrmm... No, I'm kidding! Please put down that hammer! D'oh!
